Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize