i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
