I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
