I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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