She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
