okay pat passed out under dana's car
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
