Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
