I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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