i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
