K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
