How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
