I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
