I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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