The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My dick has a subreddit
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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