An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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