On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
