Apparently you make a good broom.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
