everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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