Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
