you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
