I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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