Quick, to the slutcave!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
