The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
