literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
