When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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