A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
