Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
