What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
