If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Randomize
