At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
