U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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