Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
