I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
