we're blogging at a bar
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
