Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
