i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
