The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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