Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
