i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
if only i could text you this smell
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
