Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
