if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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