The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
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Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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