her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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