he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
