Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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