they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
