babies were throwing up all over the place
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I checked into jail on foursquare
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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