god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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