My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
