just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
