you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
