We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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