What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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