Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
We got so high we made milksteak
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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