Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
