Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
