Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
