I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
