Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
