wanna go halves on a baby?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she pinky promised me she was 18
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
