Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
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She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
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The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.