So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
