I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
