Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
