This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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