Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
